ear diary,
This is my first entry. And to be honest, I never thought I will start to write a diary but somehow I feel I have to share my story with someone, even if it is just a book.

Join the Tibian Postmaster's guild they said, you will find many friends they said, you will see awesome places all around the world they said... Well, let me start from the beginning:

Born as seventh son of an old fisherman, I had only a few options to change my life for the better. I definitely did not want to follow in my father's footsteps, even more so because all of my siblings had kept to this tradition. I was too weak, a pushover if you want so, and too clumsy to learn swordsmanship or another fighting skill. Therefore, it was out of the question to become a knight or a paladin. Not to mention that I am not the bravest man under the sun. Also, I was always bad at maths, so a career as shopkeeper or merchant wasn't an option either. And what about studying the ancient arts and becoming a mighty sorcerer or a druid? Of course, I honour the old gods and I admire nature in all its beauty but even a fish would be a better mage than me.
Thus, as a consequence of my lack of any talents, I decided to leave my father's home and started to travel around. I was convinced that if I searched long enough I would find the right job for me.
I was travelling from Thais to Kazordoon when I passed a building that caught my interest. Curious as I am, I stopped and took a look. I quickly identified the house as the Tibian Mail Post Office Headquarters. Since I had nothing better to do I went in and started a conversation with a man who introduced himself as Kevin, the head of the Tibian Postmaster's Guild:

Kevin: "We are a powerful organisation that is a vital part of Tibian society. It's an honour and a privilege to be a member. We have high standards for our members. To rise in our guild is a difficult but rewarding task. Why do you ask? Are you interested in joining?"

Well, I thought to myself, yes, why not? I had nothing to lose so I answered him that I would gladly join the postmaster's guild. As expected, it was easier said than done. I had to prove my worth by doing some tasks for the guild. Kevin asked me to check certain tours to see if there is some trouble which required travelling by different ships and carpets. Can't be that hard, I thought. Well, who could have known that I, a son of a fisherman, would suffer from vertigo and seasickness? but never mind! After I had come back to Kevin and told him that I had checked all routes, he already had another mission for me:

Kevin: "One of our mailboxes was reported to be jammed. It is located on the so called 'mountain' on the isle Folda. Get a crowbar and fix the mailbox. Report about your mission when you have done so."

Alright, a word and a blow. I organised a crowbar and travelled to that cold isle to repair that mailbox. Being the chicken I am I would have most likely resigned if I had known that frost trolls and winter wolves were waiting there. However, I was already there so I repaired the mailbox and reported back to Kevin:

Kevin: "Ok, listen: we have some serious trouble with agressive dogs lately. We have accumulated some bones as a sort of pacifier but we need more. Collect 20 bones like the one in my room to the left and report here."

Bones for dogs? I mean honestly, dogs attacking postmen? That is so clich?. Anyhow, Kevin is the boss. I really had a hard time collecting those twenty bones but I made it. Don't ask me how. I felt really proud finishing this task. Kevin told me as well that he is proud of me and that I am a full member of the postmaster?s guild from now on. I was very excited, and even more so after he said that I will get a reward? but as it happens so often in life expectations were pitched too high? to cut a long story short, I am now the proud owner of a post officer's hat?

Well, let's go on. The next task was nothing to speak of. I just had to deliver a present to Fibula, but the following mission? another world trip... The postman guild was in need of a new set of uniforms. Therefore, Kevin sent me to Venore to negotiate a contract with a guy called Hugo. Once again, I was confronted with the nightmare of every postman? dogs. Hugo claimed that his dog had eaten the dress pattern and that he would need a new one. In other words, I had to organise the new one.Easy as pie I thought: I just ask Kevin for a new dress pattern and the problem should be solved. Unfortunately, to err is not only human but also very postman-like. Kevin did not have a copy of the dress pattern. Hence, I had to travel to Kazordoon to argue with an old and deaf technomancer. After I finally got my request through his head he promised to send a copy of the dress pattern to Kevin. That wasn't enough, though! Now, Kevin wanted me to visit the Queen of Carlin to ask her for the perfect colouring for the uniforms. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way old-fashioned and I am pro emancipation, but I felt a little unwell in that city ruled by women. Nevertheless, I got what I came for. Again, back to Kevin:

Kevin: "The next part is tricky. We need the uniforms to emanate some odour that dogs hate.The dog with the best 'taste' in that field is Noodles, the dog of King Tibianus. Do you understand so far? Good. Go there and find out what taste he dislikes most: mouldy cheese, a piece of dirty fur or a banana skin. Tell him to SNIFF, then the object. Show him the object and ask 'Do you like that?'. DON'T let the guards know what you are doing."

Dogs? what else. I save you the details. Once I had finished the dog part, Kevin sent me to Hugo again to order the new uniforms? not to mention that ordering those uniforms ended in insults but at least the world trip was over and I got my reward:

Kevin: "From now on it shall be known that you are a grand postman. You are now a privileged member until the end of days. Most captains around the world have an agreement with our guild to transport our privileged members, like you, for less gold."

Cheaper travelling by ship? Did I mention that I suffer from seasickness? Never mind! The next mission was waiting for me:Again, I was asked to travel around the world to collect the measurements of some post officers. Whatever, this task was an easy one compared to what was still lying ahead of me.
The next task was to find out the whereabouts of courier Waldo. In case of his death I was asked to bring back his posthorn. I travelled to the mountain east of Thais and searched for him. After some really nice encounters with trolls and orcs - have I mentioned yet that I am such a brave warrior? -, unfortunately, all I found was his dead body and his posthorn. With more luck than judgement I made it back to Kevin:

Kevin: "So Waldo is dead? This is grave news indeed. Did you recover his posthorn?"

Me: "Yes."

Kevin: "Thank you. We will honour this. Your next mission will be a very special one. Good thing you are a special person as well. Are you ready?"

Me: "Yes."

Kevin: "Your eagerness is a virtue, young one, but first let's talk about advancement. You are worthy indeed. Do you want to advance in our guild?"

Me: "Yes."

Kevin: "From now on you are a grand postman for special operations. You are an honoured member of our guild and earned the privilege of your own post horn. Here, take it."

...I brought him the horn of a dead colleague and what do I get as award? a posthorn? Probably the one I just took from that cold dead hands of that Waldo guy. But who cares! Back to business. The next task was just as ridiculous as the last one. I had to deliver a bag full of letters to Santa Claus. If you now think that was the weird part of the mission, wait for the next part.
The bag I had to deliver weighed 500 oz. Yes, 500 oz! Don't ask me how I managed to get that bag to Santa's house. The sheer memory freaks me out... But in the end, one of the gods meant well for me.
Believe me, I was at the end of my rope when I came back to Kevin to accept the next mission:
What an honour. No one else volunteered. Surprise! I would have bet that my colleagues would queue up to deliver a letter to Markwin, king of Mintwallin. I mean, who doesn't want to do a hell of a trip just to visit an underground city full of minotaurs?

Well, I would not write that diary if I had not managed this mission as well.

And here I am now, proud archpostman of the Tibian Postmaster Guild. Here I am now, travelling from one end of the world to the other end. Neither hurricanes, nor rain showers, nor desert storms, nor deadly coldness can prevent me from delivering the mail. Here I am now, advertising the services of the postmaster guild with slogans like:"Write a letter and feel better!"or "Missing someone? A letter a day keeps the desire away!", "Tibian Mail! We cannot fail!", My home is my parcel! ...

Here I am now, and ask myself day after day:
What are my father's fishes doing right now...?